Milk - A Must See

This movie was incredible.....and anyone who has not seen it is deprived of a wonderful film by Gus Van Sant and an amazing performance by Sean Penn.

Milk

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Rick Springfield + J-Pop = Yahoo!!!

Since the age of 8, I have had a love of Rick Springfield. He was the background music through most of my life, and still is in my top 5 of all time. His talent and ability has stood the test of time, since first coming onto the American music scene in the early 1970's.

Recently, while thumbing through slews of youtube vids, I came across this bizarre Japanese cover of the RS song "Stand Up" from the Hard to Hold soundtrack. It's well worth sharing:

Empty Hours

Sometimes we feel as if we are within running distance of figuring it all out. I have felt on the brink of an epiphany for quite some time, yet it still eludes. I have had more than enough time to sit back and take in all that's happened in, say, the past 10 years, but I have avoided it like the plague. I don't think I can do it much longer. So many things around me are wonderful, but I have not allowed myself to truly grab into them. It's almost as if some unforseen force bears down and clouds my vision. I used to write - alot. I still have notebook upon notebook filled with random thoughts, poems, and the like. Now part of me feels brain dead.

My envirnoment as of right now is the most stable, loving, nurturing one I have probably ever had, and that includes childhood. So what's the deal? Why do I not allow myself to settle in and pursue things that fufill me. I should be elated, and in a way I am, but have allowed myself to become slothy and lazy. Almost as if I am not comfortable unless I am uncomfortable in one way or another...completely senseless.

Lately I keep telling myself I need a job to feel fufilled. I have not worked in three months. But truly, is that really what I need? To be honest, I think going back to work would only allow myself to avoid dealing with me more and more. It "takes up time" and that way I don't have to pursue anything I may fail at, thus avoiding any sort of risk or disappointment. I think that's really what's going on.

It is actually rather refreshing to not have a set schedule - why not enjoy it? Why won't I allow myself to sit back and enjoy life? Does it scare me? Why? I have become uber-obsessed with my physical appearance. After putting on a few extra pounds in a relatively short period of time, I have equated it with failure. Bad move. It's upsetting John, and upsetting me.

I am only writing this because my past experience tells me that in writing out problems, I work them out, to some degree. I would rather spend more time being happy than self degrading. **Why does Keith Olbermann look younger tonight???**

So, today John and I had a chat. He's concerned, and rather annoyed, at my constant self beating. I had truly thought that I had improved myself regarding perspective and self i mage, but I guess it hasn't come across that way. I don't want a perfectly good relationship thrown to the dogs because of my inability to love myself. I need to get out more. He has enriched my life more than anyone I have ever known, in a real, genuine way. I never thought someone would come along that was so well suited for me. I have waited all this time for him, and I can't let my old song and dance of "Heather-ewww" ruin it.

So, the question is: am I happy? Overall, yes. I have always wallowed in despair, so this change of lifestyle is rather foreign to me. But that's no excuse for being in fear of it. I have overcome so much in such a short period of time. So, why not let myself be loved, and breathe a badly needed sigh of relief? Okay.

Is it November Yet???

These are the words spouted daily by myself and my roommate. We don't know how much more of this we can take!

I don't know about the rest of you, but I have found that staying away from many of the major news channels next to impossible lately! CNN/MSNBC runs practically 24/7 in our home (an occasional glance at FOX NOISE just for a helping of comedic relief), and I am not so sure it's a good thing. Too much of anything usually isn't.

When you have copius amounts of excess time on your hands, as I have had recently, it's hard to look away. I have heard many people refer to it as a train wreck you can't bring yourself to turn a blind eye to. Well put.

The GOP ticket and their incessant flip-flopping...you couldn't make this stuff up folks! I find myself more and more in awe on a daily basis how the current campaign polls could be as close as they are...it makes me shiver when I think of how easily swayed and manipulated a vast amount of the American people can be.

To be fair, there is, without a doubt, a great uprising on the horizon...more and more people are beginning to see the light as this political roller coaster shifts violently back and forth.

I can't help but feel slightly creeped out every time John McCain attempts a pathetic grin as he hides behind the Valentino suits of fellow cronie Sarah Palin, not to mention insulted by he very fact that this party believes we as Americans will be taken in hook, line, and sinker by a folksy "you betcha" or a well rehearsed wink. It's clearly a proverbial slap in our faces.

Gov. Palin refers to herself as "Joe Six Pack"....ummmm, ok. So, you are trying to paint your self as some hillbilly drunkard? Where have I heard that before.....?

John McCain honestly believes his running mate "connects" with the average American. I'm sorry, but even the most average of Americans can pronounce "nuclear". Even the simplest of us know the difference between clear understanding of the issues, and force fed beauty pageant speeches. I don't care how BORING people say Joe Biden is, he has a BRAIN that GRASPS foreign policy and economics. 36 years in the Senate and a lifetime of challenges have made him seasoned and ready for VP.

Thank God we have people like Keith Olbermann and Rachel Maddow to keep things in perspective. These two have become voices for those of us sick of the lies, and tired of the hypocrisy. They are not fooled by Republican spin-meisters, and neither am I.

How can we, with a clear conscience, allow more greedy, self centered, wealthy drones to run our country? Forcing hard working people out of their homes, their jobs, then telling them that they won't be there to help pick up the pieces? This is NOT the future I see for my country. Government needs to work for us, not against us, and with Barack Obama and Joe Biden, I truly feel this goal Is attainable.

We deserve better then the political trash doled out by the McCain/Palin camp. They must think we are all too dumbed down to spot these wolves in sheep's clothing (or mosse, whatever you prefer...)

Every American worth their salt should be offended, if not outraged, and make their voices heard November 4th by voting for honesty and change in what is one of the most important times in American history.

If anyone out there needs help deciding which way to sway this coming election day, I highly recommend picking up Paul Begala's latest book, "Third Term: Why George W. Bush (hearts) John McCain". Begala weeds through the last 26 years of McCain-o-nomics and shows that not only can this man not be trusted, he is down right dangerous.

I sped through this book in about two days and realized how much alot of us don't know about this unstable sorry excuse for a senator. Read up folks...you'll be glad you did!

Finally, a breakthrough!

Listen, I don't know about you, but for the past few weeks, perhaps months even, I have had a gnawing feeling deep in the pit of my stomach. It's a strange uncertainity that I wake up with every morning, and snuggle up to every night. It's a fear that, for some, may be all too familiar and rarely spoken about. I know for a fact I do not suffer alone. What is this fear?

Four (or more) years of John McCain.

Think about it. Stop and really try to see in your mind's eye the possibility of election night screeching to a halt as CNN announces "All hail the Republican party!"

Kinda makes you queasy, doesn't it?

In all honesty, politics was never something that stood out in the forefront of my mind as I have waddled through my silly life, but more of a background noise that led to many years of cynicism and close-mindedness. "All those guys are crooks and liars", I'd repeat every four years as the future became more and more bleak. I am sure I speak for many people when I say that Americans are feeling helpless, weary, and without sense of self.

But this year, for the first time, I have noticed an amazing seedling emerging from the collective soil. A small sliver of light; realizing that perhaps, finally, we have stumbled upon a man that has the drive and the character to bring us through this dark time in our history. A reality of change, honesty, and, above all, hope that we, as Americans can, once again, look to our country and feel shameless pride, instead of sheer embarrassment.

Young voters are registering in record numbers as more and more of them realize just how important this election year really is. There is a stirring in this nation, which began as a faint whisper, that is becoming increasingly more like a primal scream. The changing of the guard has come, and that guard is scared shitless.

So, what is it that makes me worry so, you may ask? It's simple. There is an unfortunate reality that coincides with this rare moment. Ignorance. Bigotry. The inability for many people to see past the hype and mud slinging, not to mention the obvious attempts at optical wool pulling that leads me to think people might mistaken blantant lies and slander for legitimate ideas and competency.

Sure, politics is a game, always has been, always will be, but I don't remember one campaign in my lifetime that has held its dignity in check more that Barack Obama's. NO, he's not a perfect man, with all the answers, but a man that has seen the truth in Washington and in our country and holds fast to the idea of maintaining civility and character in his running for the presidency.

You cannot deny the sorry stench of hopelessness. No matter how many times you bathe-you can't quite seem to get off. We have trudged through eight years of bad policy, bad decisions, and nasty secrets. We have been virtually stripped of our civil rights and liberties as Americans and been handed dirty, filthy, blood stained rags in exchange.

There is absolutely nothing about John McCain that leads me to believe that putting him in the highest position in this country will bring us anything but more and more oppression and despair. Bush is handing him an administration and a legacy that is beyond a Repubilcan's ability to fix. You can't help the people if you don't understand the people.

We are tired. That much is obvious. But I honestly believe if we see past the rhetoric and nit-picking, the white washing and lies, we will be met with great rewards as Barack Obama is sworn into office in January.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to stock up on Rolaids...there's an election on.

Yet Another Update...

Many months have passed since I last wrote - and so many things have happened. I am now residing in Raleigh, North Carolina with my best friend, John. I picked up a menial job at the local Kroger which, as usual, is completely unfufilling. I am happy on all other horizons though. John and I have made a nice, peaceful, comfortable home here and he is just a total blessing. What an example of patience, peace, and determination.

Inside, I am in a bizarre limbo. There is still that nagging feeling of greater things for me, but I don't know where to go with it and what to do about it, much less where to start. I can't keep wasting time - you only get one shot at life.

clarity

sometimes we must shed the skin of our past fears and emerge naked into the world. Cold, unfamiliar, and intimidating, at times its only the idea of freedom, without guarantee, thats truly puts all things into perspective.

allowing ourselves to trust in those worthy of trust is harder than it may appear.

three years ago i planted an oriental poppy in the grounds of my apartment building, and for three years I have waited for it to bloom. This year, low and behold, I was blessed with copious amounts of pink poppies with black throats that blew me away....

A new life....

....whole foods is history. I am free....