Black is such a dark color...

You know...I decided to start this blog and kept trying to find things about me that were "different" or "interesting"...How random can I be, I thought. I based just about everything in my profile on how OTHER people would see it. OMGOSH....that completely goes against the point of just about everything that I strive to be...HELLO!!!! Yes, I chose black for my first blog because I am in a black mood. I forgot how liberating it was to keep a journal...i started my first one in 1983. I remember....it was a little My Melody notebook I got at Donna's Hallmark at Westlake Mall in Daly City, CA where I grew up. I am sure the entries were quite innate and juvenile as I was only 10. I remember writing EVERY DAY after school. It was in pencil. I grew up with this girl named Tara that lived down the street from me.....I remember now...she hated me, she made fun of me, called me names (I was fat then, as I am now) and I remember her trying to be my best friends best friend. It was all competitive-like. I was so angry one day, I wrote in my journal (and this is an exact quote mind you, in caps, in pencil ) "TARA IS A NURD!!" Ha...I didn't even know how to speel "nerd" at the time" and I definitely didn't swear, although swearing was quite the norm in my house. Funny the things we remember from our youth.

My computer is making sickening "whrrrr"-ing sounds. Draft saved! Hoorah!

My blog will unfold over time....revealing what I want to reveal, keeping secret what needs to be kept secret, for the sake of my sanity and the reputations of certain people unnamed here. I used to write in my sleep, can you believe that??? I did...I would wake up in the middle of the night and scribble things down, and upon awakening, look at this silly illegible piece of paper with something like, "Peanut butter flip flop jam --- bus route temper tantrum" scratched into it with a pen barely full of ink.

There is so much I want to say...but it has to come on its own. I am not out to impress anyone. I am only blogging for my own therapy. This is a completely selfish project. I have no choice. Do you?