Just have to laugh....

I compromised my dreams, and I wasn't even aware that I even HAD any until I saw the future picture and realized that it in no way matched up with my vision. I settled for what came my way because I had a hard time believing that any better would come along. I know I am supposed to be learning something here, and I just want to make sure I don't miss a beat, because I will be damned if I am going to go through this one more time!

This whole ugly scene has brought me to write, and write I have!! More now than ever, I finally let the monster out to play. Been locked up since I was 19 and knew I was a writer. I just decided that was the facts.

Then people entered my life that were not all that sober nor intelligent.

EMITT RHODES SOMEBODY MADE FOR ME HEAVY SIGH

Don't misunderstand - life is not all about relationships. You have to go out and live and shape the person you are in order to bring something to that relationship table once you find one. Finding out who you are is half the battle! Sometimes the road is dark and lonely, and sometimes you might wander off the path, and take what you think it a groovy detour, only to find it leads to a rocky ledge, or a hazardous cliff. When this happens, merely turn around and head back to the beginning. Back to that starting point.

So many times I have wanted to give up on love all together; to just turn my emotions off and lock my heart up in a glass box and bury it in chains. But to do that would be impossible. I have a need to love and be loved. Only now I realize that it has to be the right person.

You must have criteria. It is an absolute must. Settling will only bring major heartache in the end. Trust me.

We all come with our own set of baggage. No one is spared that inevitability.

I look over at the man that broke my heart. Beautiful but sad, loving but lost...he doesn't stand a chance at any sort of happiness. Just one disappointment after another. I can see it all so clearly now. Somewhere along the road he lost his way. Instead of heading back to the beginning, he pitched a tent and awaited rescue. I looked for you, love, but just couldn't find you. I searched my heart, and everywhere else, but you eluded me. Now he walks a tragic road full of disappointment and despair. He will never truly know who he is. I have nothing but pure love for this lost soul.

Lord, watch over this man. Keep him safe and protect his heart. I hand him back to you. Open his eyes to all thats right with the world, instead of everything thats wrong. Guide him in his travels, and bring him back to the beginning. Please.